Alright. Enough of the shameless self-promotion - - -
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On Being Classy - - -
Some time ago, I
wrote a story about a friend of mine. When describing his wife, the first
description that came to mind was “very classy.” Later, at his funeral, the
pastor’s first descriptive words about his wife was, “A very classy lady.”
What is it about
some people that just seems to bring the word “classy” to mind? What is it that lets us know they have it?
This experience seems to have
gotten that question rolling around in my head often, while I’m thinking. I’m
very good at thinking, especially when you just consider the sheer volume of
it. Not necessarily quality thinking, not necessarily very productive thinking.
Just thinking.
Are there
descriptive words out there that are so anti-classy, that, if they truly apply
to the person in question, rule out any possibility of being classy? To me,
some of those words would be snobby, gossipy, unkind, rude, selfish,
self-centered, prideful, boastful, vengeful, vulgar, intentionally too loud, (physical
limitations, such as not hearing well, don’t count here.) braggart, and shallow.
Like I say, this is just my list. Yours may be very different, yet better. Or
worse. If one or more of these terms hit a nerve, chances are you'll stop reading right now.
Are there single,
descriptive words out there that, if accurately applied, would prove that
classy fits? I seem to have a problem with this question. Perfect will not
work, because none of us are perfect, yet some are classy. Flawless? That
implies perfect. So it would follow that we may have a few minor flaws, yet
still be classy. What type of flaws would be allowed? Could it be that only
minor flaws that do no harm to others would work? I tend to think so. There
seems to be so many factors out there that go into making up a classy person,
that no single word or short description can work, alone.
Physical traits:
While physical traits may be our first indicators, such as how we carry
ourselves, how friendly we are, our posture, how we choose our clothes, how
neat we are, how clean we are, etc. may get us tentatively in the right group
initially, the core of it must come from within. We can’t keep that hidden
forever. And, our station in life we
are born into can limit these outside appearances. When we were in the middle
of the second largest and worst slum in the world, Kibera, a little girl, who I
remember as being around ten years old, ran out into our path, smiled, and said
“Hi! How are you?” Her clothes were rags, just hanging on her body, but class
stood out all over that girl. Barbara and I both wanted to just take her hand,
and take her home with us, away from that place.
Can one learn to
be classy? Some people say no. You have to be born with it. Many of us are so far away from being classy,
it’s hard to imagine ever climbing up that far, and we may try and try and
never succeed. On the other hand, I’m repulsed by the idea that any of us can
be born into a situation, so deep in any hole, that we cannot ever climb out of
it, no matter how hard we work. I tend to think yes. With hard work, we can
learn to be classy.
I think regional dialects have no place here. We learn to
talk like people we live among. Many people tend to look down upon others who
do not talk like they talk. I, for example, know a ton of classy hillbillies. Those who look down upon hillbilly slang are shallow people, to my way of thinking.
Other shallow people may judge by body build, weight or height. I tend to think
physical characteristics of the body one is born with is not a limiting factor.
A classy person,
generally, just “has it together.” We know they are not about to just lose it
in the middle of a conversation, and say something stupid. A classy person
is a good listener. Never quick to interrupt, or talk over another person. This
whole statement smacks me right in the face. I’m too busy thinking of my reply,
or my next statement, to fully listen to another. I need to work on this one.
The more I write on this subject, the more I begin to realize where I fit in.
So, can thinking too much rule me out? Maybe so, If I can’t climb out of that
hole. And I’m an old man. Don’t have a lot of time to waste.
The “smirk” is a
habit that we should be very careful with, especially for a smart person. It
can easily convey the message, “I’m smarter than you.” I have a friend who is
very smart. He pretty well always has the correct answer. But he usually starts
his correction with, “Well, it COULD be that - -“
When he does that, I just automatically know
he’s about to tell me a truth I can count on, take to the bank. A humble preface
to a truth conveyed by a very intelligent, and in my opinion, classy person.
Some people, however, do not respond well to his gentle approach. He and I were
once in a van traveling from New Orleans. The driver seemed to think his sense
of direction was superior to others. When the driver passed the proper exit, my
friend softly stated, “It could be we should have taken that exit.” The driver
paid no attention. We passed another exit. “We may very well have missed our
turnoff.” No response. Approaching the next exit, “Turn this durned thing
around!! You missed the road!” This time, the driver responded properly. He had
just not had it explained to him in those terms before.
Some people enter
a room, and everything about them says, “I’m here! Look at me!” While other
people enter a room and everything about them says, “Hello. How are you?” Guess
who fits where.
So what have I accomplished with this post? In the end, very
little. Food for thought, and that’s about it. I have never worried about being
classy, myself, possibly because I normally do not occupy a position up at
the top, looking down; I seem to spend a lot of time at the bottom, looking up.
But I’m me, and I just love me, even if it turns out that, in the end, I’m in a
small minority.
A classy person
would be very hesitant to put others into a judgmental position in any
conversation. So, if we meet on the street, and you ask, “What about me? Am I
classy?” Chances are, I would just look at you, smirk, and answer, “I’m far too
classy to answer that.” Then you’ll know.
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