The Exploding cat

     My friend Mark was shuffled about quite a bit among family members as a young boy. Mark was blessed with a very active mind, always coming up with one “I wonder what would happen if I” after another. Having a large family, his parents regularly allowed him to “visit” one cousin after another during the summer. For as long as they would keep him. One summer, he was sent to live with an uncle and his family in Northern California. The uncle had several small kids, along with Billy, about his age.

     Early one morning that summer, the family cat, a big family pet, was hit by a car in the street in front of the house. Mark's uncle told him and Billy to take the body out in the woods and bury it, before the younger kids awoke, lest they have squalling kids running all around the place. They picked it up, and headed for the woods. Mark had a good idea. “Hey. I wonder what it would look like if we exploded that cat?” Mark already knew his uncle kept a supply of TNT in the shed. He had already seem him blowing out stumps. Billy thought that was a grand idea, and they headed for the shed.

Billy picked out a nice stick of TNT from the box, along with a very long fuse, and a piece of bailing wire to attach it to the cat. Well out into the woods, they lay the cat's body down, attaching the TNT to it with the wire, put the long piece of fuse in, and lit it. They ran a good ways back, found a location in the woods to see what happened, and waited. A few moments later, the cat, to their shocked surprise, raised it's head up, shook it a little. The cat looked around, saw the boys through the trees, slowly got up, and headed toward them. They started retreating, keeping the cat in sight. The faster they ran, the faster the cat moved. They lost sight of it for a few moments. “Do you see it?” “No, the last time I saw it, it went behind that tree!” Again, the cat spotted them, and here it came, the smoking TNT dragging along behind. They ran. In desperation, they finally ran to the barn, climbed up into the loft, where they had a better view, and watched.

     Finally, they saw the cat. He was moving pretty slow now, but he dragged himself up to the house, went underneath. Mark looked at Billy, Billy looked at Mark. The house was underpinned with large sheets of tin. Moments later, the cat exploded. The tin underpinning blew off, and the yard  was covered with tin. Kids and and adults alike fled from the house, all in panic. Fortunately, the house itself was just shook up a little, but not seriously damaged. But the cat was everywhere. Mark was sent home the next day.

    

The Strategic Air Command Goes to War.

     The time was during the height of the Cold War. SAC bases were scattered here and there. Huge B-52 bombers, each loaded with Atomic Bombs, were stationed at these bases. Their mission was simple. If the US had reason to think an atomic attack from Russia was in progress, or if a missle heading toward the US from Russia was detected, they took off in minutes, headed for Russia with their deadly cargo. If it proved to be a false alarm, they could always be recalled in mid flight. In the unlikely event that the B-52's were destroyed on the ground, a certain number of them were kept in the air at all times, 24 hours a day. Thus, it was reasoned, nobody would dare launch an atomic attack against the US, if they knew full well they themselves would be destroyed in return.

     Mark had an uncle who was in the Air Force, stationed at such a base. Mark was sent, one summer, to live with this uncle. His home was near the military airport, and Mark again had cousins to play with.

     The Fourth of July was approaching, and Mark and his cousins had a good supply of fireworks bought to celebrate. Mark came up with a good idea. “Why don't we light a string of firecrackers, raise the manhole cover on the drainage system, and drop them in?” His cousins thought that was a grand idea. But what they didn't know was, spilled jet fuel had washed into the drainage system from refueling the huge jets. The lit firecrackers were dropped in, the manhole cover put back in place.

     Moments later, a huge explosion occurred, blowing manhole covers to the treetops.

  The United States Strategic Air Command went to war that day.

     Fortunately for us all, the problem was quickly investigated, found to be a false alarm, and the B-52's were recalled. Only moments after the huge planes landed, Mark was on the bus again, headed home.

     Mark grew up, married, had two children, and wound up living near Arkadelphia. He worked for the telephone company. Once, he was sent to OBU to repair telephone lines in a girl's dorm. He was bent over in the hall, busily repairing a wall phone plug in. Two giggling girls walked down the hall, and one reached over and pinched Mark on the butt. In surprise and shock, Mark jumped up, almost emptying his tool belt as tools flew all over the hallway. The laughing girls ran on down the hall .Mark, with a very red face, quickly gathered his tools up and fled the building.

     These stories are all true. At least, Mark swore to me they were all totally true. But, I must warn you. I have noticed, sometimes, that Mark shows little signs of not being totally honest. Or maybe, that's just me, being paranoid again.