Decoration Day

                           

I'm going to interrupt my current story today to tell you about current events. Hope you don't mind.

I went to Decoration Day yesterday at Rover and spent the day with brother Harold's family. My daughter Kinley, who is also very faithful to that day, brought her family up from Little Rock. It was a good day, though I didn't see as many other people as I usually do while there, mostly because we didn't finish eating Lou's great lunch until after two o'clock. Hard to leave Lou's table while there's still food there, knowing full well someone else will eat it all up before I get back.

When I was a child, Decoration Day was a major holiday for everyone. We spent the whole day there, us kids playing all over the cemetery, we at a potluck dinner there, sometimes had a singing there that afternoon. Mom would always find a way (she never drove) to get down there a few days earlier, to make sure the Gillum and Lazenby graves were always weed free and in good form before the big day.

Though the purpose of that celebration was to honor those who have passed on, I think it had a lot to do with those of us still around. Even though most of us knew we were going to be in a better place when we pass on, the idea that we will just be totally gone from this earth, and soon maybe never thought of again, is just a hard concept to take, at least it is for me. Knowing full well that those who remain will be celebrating your life, at least once a year, makes it seem a little easier, somehow. This line of thought led me when I started writing my stories. If I could write stories that would be interesting enough, funny enough, about how we and our ancestors lived, loved, played, and laughed, maybe a small part of me, and my families, would be around for a long time.

I always encourage others to start writing their own family stories, now, before the old folks are gone, along with many of those stories. Mine would be much better if I had been smart enough to start years ago, especially since I'm the youngest of my generation. Stories tend to make our ancestors seem like flesh and blood people, not just a name on a genealogy sheet, or a face in a pic. That alone is pretty thin. All this was rolling around in my head when I started Spreading Wing. Then it all snowballed on me, and before I knew it, I had a book.

I know the tradition of Decoration Day is an unheard of concept with most people, but it's still a big thing where I come from. The graveyards of Fourche Valley, and Yell County, still blossom brightly every spring. As for me, I hope they always do. I'll just feel better about things, somehow. My mother used to spend all her money buying things for us. She would say, “Well, I'll buy this for you now, then when you're grown up, and get lots of money, then you can buy for me.” Sadly, Mom died at 68, the same age I am now. I was still pore as a church mouse, and I never got to buy her much of anything. But I can still give her a flowers every Decoration Day, and I can think about her regularly and write stories about her. Maybe that will help a little.

From what I've seen, I think Denmark wins the prize for the best kept graveyards. Many had shrubs planted all the way around the graves, not a blade of a weed was to be found, and tools and wheel barrows were left out for people to come by and work as they could. Much of Northern Europe was that way. Maybe I can tell you how Eastern Europe handles those things in June, when Barbara and I get back from there. I'll let you know.

In May of 1997, my brother Harry, who had cancer, called and asked me if I was coming to

Decoration Day that Sunday. I said, "No, I've got a job to do that day.” Our building was still closed down from the tornado that almost wiped out downtown Arkadelphia on March 1, 1997. We were taking work anywhere and any time we could find it. He replied, “You've got something else more important to do, do you?” Ten days later, Harry was IN that cemetery. I haven't missed a Decoration Day at Rover since, although hitting a deer on the way there and wrecking our car delayed us a week or two once. I always put a flower on each Gillum and Lazenby grave, and take a moment to think about each person. I am training my sensitive daughter Kinley to take over after me, and she is training her son Jordan, also very sensitive, to take over after her. That way, the old Gillums and Lazenbys will not be forgotten, for a very, very long time. The current Wing Gillums, led by Harold's wife Lou, play the lead role on Decoration Day for the entire family. Those who cannot be there send money to them, and they buy the flowers, and Lou puts them out on Decoration Day.

A TWO FLOWER MAN -

There is one man buried in the cemetery at Rover who, though he was not a Gillum or a Lazenby at all, has always commanded so much respect in me that his story must be told. R. L. Whitten. He was a friend of Elbert Lazenby, Uncle Euriel's son. He almost became a member of the family. When the war came along, Elbert was soon in action, as a radio man on a bomber. His plane was shot down, and Elbert became one of many casualties of war.

R. L. remained a part of the Lazenby family. Elbert's sister, Delphia, had severe physical limitations. They were permanent, and her life expectations were very dim. As we all would be, she seemed to me to be deeply embittered about her lot in life.

R. L. started dating Delphia. They soon married, and R. L., a nice looking man, a preacher and a teacher, made Delphia his princess. He put her up on a pedestal, waited on her hand and foot all her life, and to my observations as a boy, was endlessly patient, and very tolerant of her mood swings. And he single handedly elevated her life to a level far above anyone's reasonable expectations.

As a boy, I was around them a lot. This was at a time when cousins still kept close contact with cousins. I never knew what was in his heart, only what I saw, as a boy. He was my greatest example of the supreme servant nature, and I always reserve a little extra time, thinking about R. L. Whitten, on Decoration Day. Along with an extra flower.

Thanks for your time, and your attention.