Pearl's Peace

PEARL’S PEACE

-Shirley McMillan -  Guest Writer

Several weeks ago I came to work feeling burdened with a heavy load.  Forgetting that I have often claimed God’s promise that what He called me to do, He will do it, I sat down at my desk discouraged and heavy hearted that I was going to get a grant reduction due to not having spent a lot of my program’s stipend money two years in a row (a very important expenditure), and even though I’d done everything humanly possible, the situation looked even worse this year, which year was speeding by at breakneck speed!

Discouraged, I said, “God I don’t know what else to do.  If this program is to succeed, you’re going to have to intervene.”  I promise you that very hour, the phone began to ring, and it rang again and again as that day and the next couple of weeks passed by, bringing applicants galore, which would enable me to utilize the stipend money.  Suddenly I was worried that my grant would be overspent!  God doesn’t do things half way.  He runs our cups over!

Well, as usual after such a mountain top expression of His goodness, once again I slid toward the valley.  The excitement dimmed, and I began to trust in my strength once again.  I don’t know if I don’t really believe He’s in control, or whether I just don’t think He should have to “bother” with little ole undeserving me!  So once again I found myself sitting at my desk, having a case of the mully grubs.  When what did my wondering (or should I say wandering) eyes should appear, a beautiful cross reflected in the screen of my computer!  Talk about a feeling of peace.  My entire being thrilled at this tangible reminder of God’s presence.

Now, of course, I knew (or suspected) that God had used something ordinary to show me the cross, so I couldn’t be still ‘til I explored the office to discover the source.  I was excited to find that out the window, behind me over my right shoulder was a window in the building next door that had panes connected by silver strips.  When the sun shone on the strips, they reflected as a cross through the fronds of a silk fern sitting on my window ledge, onto my computer screen.  How wonderful that God shows us His presence through the ordinary things in our lives, and that every day now I would be able to see a visual reminder of that amazing presence.

Well, the day before yesterday panic struck.  I turned on my computer, and the cross was nowhere to be found.  I knew God was still present, but I wanted to see my visual reminder.  Why, oh why, had He taken my cross away?  I suffered all day long without my cross, and went home dragging.  Maybe now I understood what the Israelites felt like when Moses left them alone for 40 days and nights!  Maybe it wasn’t so bad after all to have a visual reminder!

Well, I decided yesterday that since it’s December, and the sun has moved off to the South a bit, I probably won’t see that cross reflected again until spring.  How will I make it through the winter without my cross?  Then it hit me.  I have to be assured of God’s presence whether there’s a visual reminder or not; whether I feel that excitement or not.  Some days just aren’t going to be exciting, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have a feeling of the peace of His presence.  “Pearl, Pearl, you don’t have to have an ‘idol’ on the window sill, to know that God lives in you, and to feel the assurance that He lives in you, and will never depart!  No matter how busy, or lazy, or faithless you’ve been, you don’t have to let guilt overcome your assurance.”

Oh, joy!  Today the cross is back on my computer screen!  I was just looking for it in the wrong place.  Isn’t God good!